i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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