4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
She bit a glass in half.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
