Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
accomplished twins. life is a go
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Randomize
