Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
The beer is more important than you right now.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
i think my cat just said my name.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
