At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
