fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out