Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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