It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I woke up under a house in Key West
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