I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
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