My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
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