Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
