I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
please don't ironically join a cult
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