yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
