You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
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Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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