dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
