took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
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Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
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My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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