I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Randomize
