nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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