remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
he was CRYING into my vagina
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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