I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
i now understand why vodka
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
