could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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