having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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