its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.