yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
