bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I would ride that face into the sunset
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
