So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
