I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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