Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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