I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
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