i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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