The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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