im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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