no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
