1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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