Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
