i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
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There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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