It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
