Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
