Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
