I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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