Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
