hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Houston, we have a blender
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
