The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
