Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
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