wat bout pragnant strippers??
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
