I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.