walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Proof That Kendall Jenner Is The Queen of Cannes
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
The 21 Worst Ways People Have Been Dumped
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Who died my cat blue again?