I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
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I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
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Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?