I never want to see another naked old woman again.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
