i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
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