She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
