so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
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Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
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I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
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