I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Randomize
