anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
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