I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
