got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
