They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
