how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
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