Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
What drink are we having for lunch?
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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