There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
